NEED MONEY FOR COLLEGE
NEED COLLEGE FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR MONEY
WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS SYSTEM
NEED EXPERIENCE FOR JOB
NEED JOB TO GET EXPERIENCE
NEED CAR FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR CAR
GOTTA EAT TO LIVE
GOTTA STEAL TO EAT
TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GOT THE TIME
ONE JUMP AHEAD OF THE SLOWPOKES
ONE SKIP AHEAD OF MY DOOM
NEXT TIME GOTTA USE A NOM DE PLUME
It got better
- When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
- When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
- When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
- When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
- When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
- When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
- When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
- When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
- When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
- When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
- When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
- When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
- When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
- Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
what if you woke up christmas morning and your favorite character or celebrity was just casually sitting by the christmas tree with a bow on their head and was just like “oh good you’re finally awake”
*Rapidly tries to make hair look decent*
but then they were all “no your hair looks fine” and they laughed
and then after a long somewhat awkward amount of silence they were just like
"i like your pajamas"